Ego and Self-respect

The Webster dictionary defines Ego as "The self as contrasted with another self or the world", the key here being the word "Contrasted" which within its meaning implies inherent struggle, which keeps on happening between the individual and the world around him. It is this very sense of perpetual struggle and violence of the souls which ego is identified with, which colors it in a shade which is very different and distinct from self-respect. In fact, to my view, Ego rather then being a mark of self-respect, to my mind, emanates from the very lack of it. Let us deliberate on it some more. Self-respect is how you view yourself. That how the world views is totally irrelevant and unimportant to Self-respect. Self-respect is awareness of self-worth, based on your own measure, against your own scale. Ego is how the world measures you, on the basis of parameters defined by the world. There is almost always a discrepancy between your own sense of self-worth and the worth those around you, assign to you. If it is more than what your own computation is, that brings exhilaration and a smile which can at best be termed as sheepish, if it is less than your internal analytical results, it brings anger and sadness, which can even drive one to kill others or oneself, if turned pathological. As we can say this whole thing is arising from our feeling of helplessness in controlling how we are viewed by the world, reminds me of the poignant scene to the end of old roman emperor in the movie "The Gladiator" when he asks his General, " How the world is going to remember me? Is it going to be as a dictator?", which shows the extreme humane face of the individual who was the conqueror of the whole of the known world in his time and was still so concerned about how the world would perceive me. Thankfully, this thought came to the individual in question towards the end of his life, not earlier, which if it had, would have prevented him from becoming all that he could become. It is really an issue, when you allow the world to decide on your worth, and you are so unsure of your own calculation of your worth that any affront to your already shaky self-worth, true or perceived is responded to with great force, greater than what is necessary and appropriate. You hit the wrong people, and you hit with a force which brings you a great rebuttal simply on account of inappropriateness of the direction and quantum of it. Your low self-esteem is not a reason for me to pardon your violent reactions. There are few questions to ponder over, which I trust, are very important to put things back into perspective for any individual,

1. What I consider an affront, is it really an affront, which is going to physically or financially or socially in real term impact my self worth?

2. Do I know what my self-worth is, and am I taking sufficient measures to enhance it?

3. Do I believe that my self-worth is a direct derivative of my valuation as is made by people who interact with me?

4. Do I believe my self-respect to be a constant and fragile object, which can not be increased and can only be guarded against from getting impacted and reduced, for that is the only direction which I assume, it can take, from where I am?

5. Do I want to me more eloquent/better worker/ more diligent student/ learn new art/ read more because I believe, it makes me happier by improving my self-worth (which is about how I perceive myself against my own benchmarks) or gives me a fleeting false ego-boost (which is about how others will perceive me)? This essentially means trying hard to study maths not because all intelligent students are good at maths, but because it would be nice to be able to discover the values of unknown variables in complex equations, or to find the practical implications of mathematical formula; or for that matter, study history because Dalrymple gets quoted in cocktails I attend and I do not want to stand blank faced there; not because it amuses me to think about how the people ran there lives in old days, and how the world would have been a different world, if they did run it in a different manner, that they actually did, and is there some way I can get better human being from learning about their failings.

6. Have your requirements limited by your capabilities, your self-worth will be as high as less is your need to have something or anything. Any desire to have anything beyond one's capability is a termite slowly waiting to build home at the base of your self-worth. Your self-worth, in any case, has nothing to do with the state of your body or its abode. Your self worth is all about having an abode which is in line with what your capabilities can afford for you. There is always a cost-benefit thing which needs to be done, I might be happy to be on the hills of Europe, but can I afford it on my capabilities or do I have to let go some bit of my self-worth in exchange of it. Anything in exchange of a strong and solid and unbroken self-respect is definitely not worth it, not now, till the time you are strong enough to afford it with your capabilities, as Marcus Aurelius, the Great Roman Philosopher King says," never esteem anything as of advantage to you that will make you break your word or lose your self-respect." and as Abraham J Heschel further elaborates," Self-respect is the fruit of discipline, The sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself."

It is very important for you to understand your self-worth which is defined not by what you are but by two things, what you are capable of becoming, and your sense of awareness about what you are capable of becoming. Having understood it, next logical step is to guard what you have from any self-doubt along the way and keep it growing.

A word of advice comes from Colin Powel "Avoid having your Ego too close to your position that when your position falls, your ego goes with it" and my take on it is, if you are able to do it, what you have is not ego but self-respect, which is the What and Why of your being alive.